Call
by Calico Star
Summary: Unconciously she had been expecting the call.
1. Chapter 1

Unconsciously she had been expecting the phone call. She had left, not without regrets, but without looking back. She had wanted a fresh start, a clean slate, had decided to leave her old life behind.

And yet, when the phone call came, she was not surprised.

The slight delay between comment and reply common to overseas phone calls. A familiar voice with an unfamiliar hesitancy, exchanging stilted greetings in an effort to make the conversation seem somehow more normal. News delivered haltingly, finishing with a "We thought you might like to know.". The last spoken in a flat, emotionless tone that contrasted vividly with the tinge of concern that had coloured the foregoing conversation, telling its own tale of ruthlessly suppressed anger.

She made the right noises in reply, took the necessary details down, and hung up before the roaring in her ears drowned out the voice. Staring at the instrument in her hand, as if it would somehow recant.

By the end of the day she was on a flight back to the cold damp streets she had walked away from. Stopping only long enough to freshen up at the airport, she journeyed onwards and within a ridiculously short amount of time (and a lifetime too long) she was striding into the foyer of a hospital half a world away.

Too much caffeine had merely heightened her anxiety while only barely blunting the fog of fatigue that threatened to drown her. It had done no good at all to her control over her temper. Fortunately for the nurse on duty a gentle hand on her arm had distracted her from launching into a tirade at the unhelpful attitude. She swung around, ready to take aim at an alternate target, to be faced with a dark haired woman. Her grey eyes were cool and appraising, but her voice was calm. The weight has settled on her chest now. Is it guilt or is this woman really judging her and finding her wanting as a friend?

"Carol Jordan." It was more of a statement than a question, but Carol nodded anyway. The woman turned to the nurse, "She is OK to visit. I'll take her through now." Leading Carol down the corridor towards the private rooms, she introduced herself, "Alex Fielding. Paula said she had spoken to you, you made better time than I thought you would be able to."

Caffeine and fatigue don't do much for her conversational skills either.

"How is he?"

The grey eyes watching her softened suddenly.

"The doctors aren't saying much yet. He was badly injured, and he hasn't regained consciousness yet. Only when he does will they be able to check if there is any neurological damage."

Carol felt the blood drain from her face, and the roaring threatened to drown out everything else again. She finally had no choice but to lean up against the wall for a moment to compose herself.

'He might have brain damage.' It didn't seem possible, it certainly didn't feel fair. How would Tony ever be able to cope with brain damage. So much of his life was tied up in his work. And she knew, without having to think about it, that he would feel he had no place in the world if the one thing he considered himself good at was taken away from him.


	2. Chapter 2

Pale. Still. Quiet. Dark hair contrasted sharply with the pallor of his skin. Pale blue eyes hidden away in unconsciousness. Only the various pieces of machinery surrounding him made any sound. She found herself mesmerized by the sight of his chest gently rising and falling, visual proof that he was indeed still alive, still with her.

Alex stood back and quietly watched the enigma before her. She had never met her, but she had of course heard of her. The incredibly successful police woman that had preceded her, the partnership she had forged with the man lying on the bed, which had only increased her solve rate. She had heard the office gossip, discounted half of it as a matter of course.

Tony had never mentioned her. She hadn't known him well enough to ask him when she first started, and later she had been accustomed to accepting his reticence on anything personal. She had however seen the sadness in him, in brief moments he thought unobserved, when sight or sound triggered memory. She had seen the surprise in his eyes when he turned round to address her with a new insight. The brief realignment of reality and expectation.

She hadn't realized, until Paula had told her that she had informed Carol, the quiet antipathy that had built towards the woman who had added to the shadows in Tony's eyes. She might not have been too keen on working with him at the start, but somehow, unknown to both of them, he had found a place in her heart.

Now however her feelings were facing a sea-change. Seeing Carol march into the hospital within 24 hours of the phone call (an accomplishment from the other side of the country, never mind the world). The momentary loss of control over her calm facade when she heard of the possible prognosis. And now the look in her eyes as she took in the sight of Tony lying so still in the hospital bed, joy mixed with sadness, hope washed with grief.


	3. Chapter 3

Blackness. Pain starting to seep through into his consciousness as the dark fog receded slightly. He almost wished he could stay here, be cocooned in the warm darkness, but the inherent curiousity that drove him would let him remain in this featureless embrace. He groaned quietly, the pain was intruding, even dulled as it was by the chemicals dancing through his blood stream.

Slowly, incrementally he pried his eyelids apart, needing more input to orient himself. A brief glimpse, blurred though it was, combined with the sounds and smells told him he was in a hospital.

All that deductive work left him too exhausted to try and remember what it was that had caused him to end up here. That would have to wait for later. For now, unconsciousness was calling again.

He blinked slowly as an angel entered his field of vision. No, not an angel, even better it was Carol. Thanking the chemicals for a pleasant hallucination, he decided to go with it.

"Carol."

He murmured, smiling, allowing his joy to shine through as he never would in life.

Suddenly overwhelmingly tired, he cursed the fact that even his subconscious wouldn't allow him to enjoy too much time with Carol, he fought for a last brief moment and whispered.

"Love you."

And succumbed finally to the darkness.

* * *

Carol was on her feet and by his bedside as soon as she heard his quiet groan. She watched him struggle to open his eyes, to make some sense of where he was and what had happened. Her breath caught and held as his questing gaze found hers and his face lit up. She felt her own heart soar at his murmur of greeting, feeling like dancing on air, he was alive, he was conscious. At his final words, though, the warmth that suffused her warred with a cold fear clawing at her heart. It reminded her of another hospital bed, of memories of things that had never happened. Had she found him again just to lose him? The emotions tearing her apart held her frozen in place, gazing into the pale blue eyes now closed in sleep, the only movement, her thumb stroking the hand she had curled into hers.

* * *

Alex had taken her place at his other side, relief flooding through her as he wakened. With amazement and not a little amusement she saw Tony's expression change as he took in the sight of Carol, and heard the quiet words. She wasn't surprised that he couldn't stay awake, but at least now he was asleep rather than unconscious, which lifted the weight on her heart considerably. What did surprise her though was the other woman's reaction. The expressions chasing each other across her face spoke of the expected joy and relief, but also of fear and sadness, almost loss. What could have caused that reaction, Alex couldn't guess at.


	4. Chapter 4

Just as Alex opened her mouth to speak, to break the silence, Carol turned to her and said flatly,

"I need to speak to his doctor."

She didn't elaborate, simply stalked out to the nurses station.

Curious as she was, Alex decided to stay by Tony's side for the moment. He seemed to have gained more colour, and she was considerably relieved at the thought that he might really be okay. It had been a rather closer call than she would have liked, and he still wasn't completely out of the woods yet.

One of the doctors, whom she recognized had been in to see Tony before, came bustling in with a handful of students and a couple of nurses. They woke Tony again and asked a series of questions, which he answered reasonably coherently, especially considering he nodded off a couple of times. The doctor then scheduled a range of tests for the next 24 hours.

Alex waited until they were finally alone again before demanding an explanation from Carol.

"A few years ago, he had a brain tumour. It was operated on successfully, but with these things ... there is always the chance of them recurring. They are going to do some tests, just to confirm that there aren't any tumours, and that there is no other damage from the accident."

Carol sagged into the chair, suddenly looking completely washed out, as if explaining her fears had made them real.

Her annoyance fading again, she took a long look at the woman in the chair, and reminded herself how long a day Carol had had.

"Come on, we need some coffee and food. Tony is sleeping normally now, and he probably has a lot of catching up to do, never mind that he is going to be having the nurses wake him up regularly for a few hours. We can leave him for a few minutes."

Carol looked as if she wanted to object, but then sighed and nodded, following Alex as she led the way to the cafeteria. Conversation was desultory over the sandwiches that Alex got for them. On their way back to the room, Alex asked Carol if she needed a lift to wherever she was staying for the night.

"I figured the hotel down the road should have a few rooms, but I think I will stick around here a while longer, at least until they kick me out."

"Well if you have any problems, here is my card, give me a call. It is nothing fancy, but I have a spare room you could stay in if you need it. I am sorry, but I have to go now, Ben'll be waiting, but I will see you tomorrow, unless you call of course."

* * *

Every time he woke up, or more accurately, was woken up, to be poked and prodded, questioned, tested and scanned, he seemed to be surrounded by nursing staff and doctors. He caught flashes though, of white blonde hair, and occasional glimpses of her watching him, concern in her eyes, and a tremulous smile for him.

He never mentioned it though, not to the neurologist who examined him, or the staff who did the regular neuro exams every few hours. He might be crazy (or at least crazier than usual), but he didn't want to end up on the psych ward. And after all, it wasn't as if she was whispering terrible things in his ear, or trying to convince him to kill someone. He would keep his hallucination, thank you very much.


	5. Chapter 5

This time he woke slowly, on his own, and carefully catalogued what he was feeling before he attempted opening his eyes. There was less pain, and he felt a little less fuzzy, so clearly he wasn't on quite as many medications anymore. He opened his eyes to a blur of pinks and browns. Blinking, he forced the world back into focus and the image coalesced into a pair of brown eyes staring intently at him from a chubby face. Dark brown hair stuck up at somewhat odd angles.

"Are you really okay? Because you look awful!"

He would have shrugged, but fortunately caught himself in time, and settled for a grin instead.

"What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be ..." he scanned the room for a clock, noting the time he continued, "Oh, 'kay. Well ...", and then he caught sight of the blonde woman curled up in the chair on his other side. Still having hallucination then! Suddenly struck, he turned his head back to his visitor and reached out a hand to touch the one on the side of his bed. He felt warm flesh; at least it wasn't all an hallucination. Focussing on his real visitor to try and keep his eyes from drifting back to Carol, he asked.

"Is your mother not with you?"

Ben shook his head and looked decidedly sheepish.

"She doesn't know you are here. She'll be worried about you, you better let her know."

"I'll call her as soon as I leave, I promise. I just ... I just wanted to see that for myself that you were okay. Mom said I could come with her in a few days, when you were feeling a bit better, but ... but I was worried and I wanted to make sure you were alright."

"Thank you for coming Ben."

"Are you really alright, you're not dying are you?"

"Just a bit sore. Had a knock on the head and some bruises, but I am going to be fine. Just as good as normal."

They shared a smile. Tony's eyes drifted over to Carol again, taking in her fine drawn features, her eyelashes whisping across her cheekbones. As he tore his attention away and back to Ben, he noticed him glancing over to the chair and then back.

"Who is she?" Ben whispered. "She was sleeping when I got here and I didn't want to wake her up."

Tony gaped for a moment.

"You can see her!" He was so shocked by the unexpected question that he couldn't hide the surprise in his voice. He had been so sure he was imagining her.

"Of course I can see her, I am not blind." He frowned, and continued worriedly, "Can't you see her? Is there something wrong with your eyes? You told me you were okay."

"I ... um ..." How do you explain to an eight year old boy, that you thought you were having hallucinations, that the bump on the head had caused you to go a little crazier than normal.

"Should I call someone?"

"No! No. I am fine. Everything's fine."

"And you can see her?"

"Yes."

"So who is she?" Ben still looked concerned but returned to his original question.

"Carol. Her name is Carol. She is a friend of mine."

"She is pretty."

"Yes she is."

Ben sighed heavily, "I suppose I had better be going. Got lots of homework tonight and Mom will have a fit if I haven't started it by the time she gets home."

"Make sure you remember ..."

"To ring her as soon as I leave. Yes I will." He dragged his satchel back over his shoulder and headed for the door. Stopping, he looked back. "You are really going to be fine?"

"Really! Goodbye, Ben. Thanks for visiting."

"Bye Tony."


	6. Chapter 6

His eyes were inexorably drawn to the figure curled up in the chair. He wasn't sure what to feel anymore. The great swell of joy that it was real, that she was actually here with him, was impossible to deny. There was however a stream of ice cold water running through it, threatening to shock him into reality. What did it mean? That she was here, had apparently dropped everything to get here in an impossibly short time if his memory of seeing her when he first woke was to be relied on. Did it mean anything? For them and for their future.

Then uncharacteristically, he stopped thinking, and allowed himself to simply look at her. Imprinting this moment, reminding himself, hoarding memory for a future day. White blonde hair framing and softening her features. Eyes closed in sleep, he found himself missing the green, the twinkle of humour. Sharply defined cheekbones. Seldom seen relaxed expression. A vision in tan and cream. Her soft woolly sweater – _memory pulled him in hard and fast: waiting, leafing absently through a random book, when it opened to that picture and in a completely unexpected moment of whimsy the world receded. A fawn, newly born, still slightly damp, not even ready to stand yet, staring up at his mother standing protectively over him, her neck stretched down so they were nose to nose. A captured moment of tenderness, love and an unbreakable bond, everything a mother should be. It stirred a longing in him, for everything he had never known, everything his mother would never be. _ He felt its tug again now, at what could be, at what he could dream of, but never expected. All thanks to the colour of her sweater, the exact shade of that long ago newborn's fur.

He looked back up to her face and blue eyes locked on green. More vivid than his memory had conjured and filled with emotion. Relief that he was alive, joy that she was there, shared in an unguarded moment.

"Hey."

"Hey!"

Then reality intruded and they looked away, fighting to compose themselves, wondering what and how much they had inadvertently revealed.

The moment couldn't last for long though, they were too happy to be in each other's company again. She pulled her chair forward, settling herself back into it and stretching out her hand for his. When it was firmly wrapped in hers, she glanced up at him through her lashes, twinkle clearly evident, and with the greatest possible innocence asked.

"So, you made any new friends?"


	7. Chapter 7

He closed his eyes as realization dawned, she had been awake. She had been awake and she had heard at least part of his conversation with Ben. He tried to go over it again in his mind, work out what he had said, but all he could really remember was the shock of discovering that she was real.

"He is a good kid."

"Yeah."

He met her eyes, mischief still evident but soft and warm.

"He is Alex's kid, isn't he?"

"Yes. I am not sure quite why he came to see me though."

"He likes you."

"I guess."

"So what is it like, working with Alex."

"We work well together now. It was an adjustment at first, but we are okay now. She puts up with me. Although ..."

"Although?"

"Although, sometimes when I look around, I still expect to see you."

Her smile was soft and a little sad.

"I miss you too."

The conversation drifted into easier territory after that. She watched him fight sleep, until he finally dozed off, leaving her to consider. She admitted to herself just how much she had missed him while she was away. As busy as she had kept herself, she had many times felt the impulse to discuss a tricky case with him, and even more, when she was unwinding with a bottle of wine, his absence was a void in the room.

The question now was, now that she had admitted it to herself, what was she going to do about it? He had said in his own way, that he had missed her. But what did that actually mean? What if anything, did he want? She remembered his expression when he had first woken up and his words. She knew he hadn't been himself, but it still gave her hope.

* * *

When Alex walked into the room later, she stopped in the doorway at the sight before her. Unsurprisingly Tony was sleeping, what was though, was the blonde sleeping in the chair next to him, her fingers entwined with his and her head laying on the bed by his side. She looked truly relaxed for the first time since Alex had seen her march into the hospital.


	8. Chapter 8

As Alex watched, Tony stirred into wakefulness. He blinked a few times, then smiled softly when he realized that the weight on his side was Carol sleeping. Alex was amazed by the tenderness in his eyes as they played over Carol's face, it was not an emotion he often displayed openly. Their eyes met, and she was caught out. A faint flushed tinged his cheeks red with embarrassment, but she simply smiled and moved to his bedside.

"How are you?" she whispered, careful not to wake Carol, especially knowing how much she needed her sleep.

"Okay."

"Really?" her tone was disbelieving. She knew better than to accept that as a truthful answer, however much he would prefer it.

He just shook his head.

"What did the doctor say?", adding before he had a chance to speak, "And I would appreciate the truth this time!"

He huffed quietly, but the corners of his mouth twitched in wry amusement.

"He is happy with the scans, and there appears to be no neurological damage. The rest of it is going to take time and physio, but I should be back on my feet and bothering you in the not too distant future."

"There goes my plans. I guess it is true what they say, 'No peace for the wicked.'" They grinned at each other.

She hesitated before asking the next question, wanting to know, but not wanting to hurt him.

"Do you know how long Carol is going to be able to stay?"

His eyes darkened, but nothing else changed as he calmly answered.

"We haven't talked about it yet. But I can't imagine it would be too much longer. It wasn't like this was a planned absence."

He looked down at the blonde head resting against him, then back up at Alex, limpid eyes expressionless.

"Maybe you could make a phone call or two, see about getting her recalled. Then maybe I will get a chance to rest and recuperate. At least I could have my hospital bed to myself."

Alex's jaw dropped. Before she could recover and attempt a reply, though, there was a snort from the other detective.

"Bastard!" Carol lifted her head and glared at him. "Of all the ungrateful ... It would serve you right if I walked out right now and never came back."

He simply grinned widely until she couldn't help but respond.

Alex shook her head. Every moment with the two of them revealed more facets of Tony that she had never seen. Tony, the person, the man, rather than the psychiatrist, the analyst.

* * *

As she prepared to leave, Carol stood.

"I'll just walk out with you. I need to pop to the drinks machine."

They walked in silence for the length of the corridor before Carol abruptly stopped.

"I have to go back tomorrow. I was going to tell him tonight. Will you ..." she hesitated.

"Look after him? Yes."

"And ..."

"Keep you informed? Of course."

"OK. Good. Fine."

"And then what?"

"What?"

"What are you going to do next?"

"That's .." she was about to tell her to mind her own business, when she recognised the concern in Alex's eyes. Concern, mostly for Tony, from the person who would keep an eye on him no matter what her answer was. So her answer was amended. "That depends."


	9. Chapter 9

"When do you go?"

She should have known. There was no hiding anything from him.

"Tomorrow."

"OK."

She spoke again quickly, desperate not to allow him to withdraw. She could see the shutters in his eyes already.

"I need your advice."

He nodded, and she breathed a sigh of relief. He was still with her although teetering on the edge. She wished she could have waited a little longer.

"I have to make a choice. My contract is coming to an end, and I can either extend it or I can return to the Met. I need to let them know fairly soon."

She could almost see him switch to professional mode.

"You have good instincts Carol. What is your first reaction?

"I think, no, I know what I want, but I need more information to know whether it is possible."

"And do you know where to get this information?"

"Yes."

"So what do you need my advice for?"

"I need to know." She took a deep breath, she was really going to do this. "I need to know if you think there is any future for us. If this thing between us can work. Can we do what we do, see what we see, and go home together? Can we share our nightmares and get up and have coffee and croissants in the morning?"

"I'm more of a toast man, myself."

She recognised his attempt at lightening the mood, and acknowledged it with a small smile, but she waited, letting him know that she also wanted his real reaction.

Looking into her eyes, serious and calm, he sighed.

"I don't know." The conflict between desire and expectation played out clearly on his face. He glanced away briefly, and then repeated, "I don't know." There was defeat in his tones, but she simply watched him, quietly, allowing him time to structure his thoughts. There was no judgement in her gaze, no matter how much was riding on his words.

The words were almost pulled from him.

"All my life I have put on a mask every time I left the house, a picture of what a man should be, passing for human. I tried to learn social cues, ways to not stand out, ways to get by.

Then I met you. You saw straight through the mask, and you didn't pull away in horror. You held out the hand of friendship and wouldn't take no for an answer.

And slowly the mask became easier to wear, not so heavy or such an effort, and sometimes for a few hours, days even, I forgot that I was pretending. I even felt, on occasion, that I didn't need to pretend.

So, you are more important to me than you can possibly know. And I don't want to lose you."

He stuttered to a stop, but he wasn't quite finished yet.

"I don't want to hurt you."

"You will hurt me." He gaped at her, shock and hurt visible, but she knew she had to finish this. "And I will hurt you. That's life. But you are important to me too, and I don't want to lose you either."

She leaned over and brushed her lips against his. A fleeting touch, a reminder. Twining his hand in hers, she settled herself on the side of the bed, and let the quiet wash over them. Gave them both a little time to consider the soul baring revelations.

"So …"

"So, what?"

"So what do you think I should do about my contract?"

He smiled at her, somewhat sleepily, all the emotion having taken their toll, and said, "You know."

* * *

Well, that's all folks. Thank you so much for all your support throughout this story. The reviews have been wonderful, and have kept me going.


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